i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
