We won't sleep together?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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