Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
