He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
