Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
