I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
