Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
