She went from zero to smokin in five shots
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
