It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
