please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
