oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
