you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
