dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
