I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
