she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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