I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
