there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
