Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
