I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
