That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
