What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
