Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
