I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
