That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
