ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
