You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
