omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
