I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
