Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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