he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
