can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
