when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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