Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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