My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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