Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
