He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
