You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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