swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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