come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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