dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
