Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
