the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
