Please, let me fuck your mom
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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