she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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