Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
