I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
