Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
40s are totally the cure
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
