Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
