that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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