I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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