My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
soo... how was my night?
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