Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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