Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
