Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
