brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
