I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
