So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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