Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
