I just pynch a tree in the face
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
