I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
